9w1d

I'm not sure why I am having so much trouble with the possibility that I am pregnant. It doesn't seem real. I haven't seen a heartbeat, I have only done the one HPT followed by a BT (and that was 4 weeks ago)...it's all very surreal. DH wants to go looking at baby stuff and I just can't deal with it. Then last night I got all teary thinking about how, if this really is real, my life is never going to be the same again. Now, don't get me wrong...we both want to start a family more than anything, but I think I had decided deep down that it was always just going to be us. It has always just been us. We've been together since we were 16 and lived together for the last 14. Just the two of us. We've always had a fantastic relationship, and couldn't imagine my life without him. I think it just hit me, that I won't have him all to myself, we wont go and have our nice dinners out or weekends away as just the two of us. I guess in a way I am grieving what our life has been like up until now as it will never be like that again.
We will have so much more to look forward to now. It's going to be just as special...just different. We will get to experience it with a new little person who hopefully will be a perfect blend of both of us.. DH's patience, calmness and kind heart, and my weird sense of humour! :) So many new things to experience and things to learn about ourselves and each other.
I am making a vow to stay positive about this pregnancy and enjoy the next 30 or so weeks I have with my DH planning and preparing for our new addition. DH has taken to calling the baby Buddy (if you know anything about AFL, you will know Buddy!). So, I guess that's what we are calling him/her for now.
Writing this post, I have come to realise how much I have to be grateful for so I am determined to enjoy every moment of this pregnancy and not dwell on the negatives. (I'll try really hard to remember that when I feel like I am going to bring up my breakfast!)